MRI Study of Liberal Brains Reveals Missing Parts

Scientists and physicians have for years searched for answers as to why people adopt certain political ideologies. One avenue of inquiry concerns brain functions.

Are conservative brains different from liberal brains? This is the question that was considered in this new study.

The study has supplied at least one new insight into the reason why people become attached to either a conservative or liberal worldview. The research has brought to light some astounding conclusions. 

50 self-described liberals volunteered for the MRI study on brain activity and efficiency. Although there was no one area of the brain that was being studied, one of the team’s neurologist noticed a noticeable size difference in the prefrontal cortex of the liberal volunteers.

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In every case the volume and weight measurements of the cortexes were less than what is considered to be in a healthy standard range. The liberal brains literally have missing parts.

To get more data and to validate their findings, 50 conservatives were asked to join the study. Each of them received the same MRI. The results of their tests were in the normal range in both volume and weight.

The variance in the brain structure of a liberal brain in contrast to a conservative brain explains why a liberal’s thought processes and reasoning abilities are distorted. Their brains are incapable of evaluating an issue without bias and lacks any ability to use common sense. If it makes sense, it isn’t a liberal idea. It’s really that simple.

Another discovery was that the amygdata, the emotional part of the brain, found in liberal brains was oversized. This accounts for the intense rage of liberals, even the heightened emotion that defies any rational or logical thought. This may be why liberals have been labeled as “bleeding hearts.”

Skeptics of this study can gain confidence in its accuracy by spending a quick 15 minutes watching MSNBC and CNN.  If anything they hear from these sources actually makes sense to them, they are likely a liberal. If not, they can switch to FOX where the people are smiling, and actually make sense.

The study concludes with the clear evidence that liberals suffer from delusional dysfunction disease. Or, in non medical terms – They Are Nuts!

Written by Ralf Barkimer

satire - noun — the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

The Washington Exterminator is a satirical news website.

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