Bald Men demand new Mr. Clean Logo

In the wake of the removal of the Aunt Jemima brand, the removal of the native American woman from the Land O’Lakes logo, and the latest controversy surrounding the Washington Redskins mascot, there is a new group of Americans standing up against American colonialism.

The H.C.M.A, or Hair Challenged Men of America, recently signed a petition to Procter & Gamble calling for a new mascot. 54,652 signatures have been collected so far. “Our goal is one million signatures,” said HCMA President Matt White.

“Frankly, I’m tired of seeing the stereotype of fit bald white men as nothing more than sex objects for housewives,” said group member Steve S from Denver. “We are more than that. We have feelings too.”

HCMA has asked Bruce Willis to speak on their behalf at an upcoming Rally in D.C., but his agent reported that he has yet to decide if he will accept this high honor.

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Men’s Health Magazine will be featuring a story on this brewing controversy in their August 2020 issue. Proctor & Gamble has not responded to our request for their response.

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  1. We also must stop wearing shoes and all footwear as they have been called ‘Feetist’ by the producers of safety gloves. While gloves may protect us from Covid-19, shoes seem to be useless against the virus and as such we should really consider shoes to be “feetist” and therefore stop wearing them. All boots, slippers, sandals, dress shoes and sneakers will cease production immediately and this also helps slave workers in China as without a need for shoes the slave labor is no longer needed and China can now euthanize former shoe-making workers. The less people and the planet is better off anyway. In related news, White sport socks are now seen as examples of white supremacy just like regular milk and both will no longer be sold in the U.S. We have been encouraged to now ear gloves on both out hands and feet to counter the “feetist” production and use of shoes and all shoe products.

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